Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more...It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

This is one of my favorite quotes, and it seemed appropriate for this holiday of Thanksgiving. This month Facebook users have been posting something they are thankful for each day. I must confess I didn't participate in this, not because I wasn't thankful for many things, but because I couldn't seem to settle on just one thing a day. What made one thing the "winner" of the day over another? I also felt the need to explain some things, which isn't status friendly much of the time. So....I left the month with my friends possibly thinking I am an ungrateful sort. Not so. I am thankful for the same things most people posted....family, friends, a job, a home, enough (really too much) food to eat.....and the list goes on.

I am also thankful for those many things that I felt needed an explanation. Such as failure. I am thankful for failure because I really do learn from it. I'm not bullshitting here....believe me, I'm no saint--failure pisses me off! BUT, once the anger and frustration have run their course and I have the sense to reflect on the failure, I find that I usually have been taught a much needed lesson. I also generally find that those lessons learned from a failure are often some of the most valuable. Hopefully they are making me a better person in the end.

I have said before that I am an only child. This I have not been thankful for. It's lonely being an only child....and as you get older, it's a little frightening. There's no one to share the pain of losing parents with. I am very thankful that I haven't had to face that pain yet in my life. What I am thankful for, though, are the siblings-in-law and their spouses and children that I have inherited with my second marriage. They are a treat and a joy, and they have welcomed me as a sister. I LOVE being with them and all of the noisy chatter, laughter and chaos that involves. I no longer feel alone as an only child.

I am also thankful for finding acceptance in unlikely places. A couple of summer's ago my daughter spent the summer with her father and stepmother in Pennsylvania. At the end of the summer, I wrote Jamie (the stepmother) a thank you note for welcoming Cait into her home and for buying her things for her apartment at college as well as some new clothes. Those of you who have to share your children with step- mothers or fathers know what a blessing it is to have them treat your children well. What I didn't expect was a return note telling me what an awesome daughter I had raised accompanied by photos of Cait and Aerial, her dog, that Jamie took while they were at the beach. Validation is always sweet, but it means so much when coming from an unlikely source.

The above experience with Jamie was a great example for me to follow last year when I came face to face with my husband's ex at his father's funeral. Instead of ignoring her or avoiding her to escape the awkward meeting, I simply thanked her for coming (no small feat since she drove through a horrific snow storm and frigid temperatures to be there), and told her how much her presence meant to her sons. It cost me nothing, and I think gave her something (based on my experience with Jamie). After all, problems between former spouses really shouldn't be held against the current ones, should they?

Thankful for lessons learned, however they come.....whether by "still, small voice" or out and out smack upside the head. Knowledge is power.....and the power lies in being able to heal the heart. There's a whole lotta gratitude in that.