Choosing the Path Less Taken.....

I've been struggling some time now with thoughts of graduate school. I've researched countless Master's programs, never finding one I consider "perfect" for me. I've finally realized it's because it doesn't exist. I have no desire to take the nurse practitioner route, preferring instead to stay at the bedside doing direct patient care. That is my love, my passion, and, after all these years, I think I can say that I am fairly good at it. I like being able to sense when an infant is getting worse....or better, simply because I have been watching them closely and detect little, scarcely noticeable changes in their behavior or vital signs. So, why do I feel the pressure to advance my education? I'm fairly certain it's self-imposed. There really isn't anyone telling me I should be a practitioner, at least not to my face.

I guess I should have become a CNS (clinical nurse specialist) while those degrees still existed. Unfortunately, most of them have gone by the wayside, taken over by the practitioner role--which isn't the same at all! My frustration, I think, lies in wondering what the hell is wrong these days with wanting to be a bedside nurse?!? It seems like all of the young nurses are in such a hurry to leave the bedside and become "advanced" practitioners. I don't fault them for wanting to advance their careers, but I do fault them for trying to "hurry" the process. I can tell you one thing for sure, without some bedside experience....and I'm not talking about a mere two or three years.... you aren't going to reach your potential as an advanced practice nurse. Horrors! I said it out loud and put it on the internet for all to see! I'm sorry folks, but  a couple of years at the bedside plus a Master's and a little clinical time does not an expert make! It takes time, and unless you've worked in a unit that has one crisis after another (that you're directly involved in), you aren't going to get the kind of experience that carries you through making those tough decisions that will be yours once you get your advanced degree.

Don't get me wrong....I have a great deal of respect for my practitioner friends and colleagues. I also know that some of them could have benefited from a few more years at the bedside. This isn't about "earning your stripes," but rather about taking the time to finesse your assessment skills and spending some moments in the trenches gaining knowledge that only hands on experience can bring. A book can tell you about a sick baby, but spending hours at the bedside watching each subtle sign of illness that baby exhibits before all hell breaks loose is not something you'll master from reading a chapter!

So forgive me, my friends, if when you give me an order, I question it. I'm not trying to be difficult, and I'm not trying to challenge your position. It isn't a pissing match, it's based on an opinion, an observation that comes from years of doing what I do. I didn't get an advanced degree in it, but I certainly did get an education....at the bedside....where the changes occur and where the patients don't always read the textbooks and follow the algorithms. I will give you the courtesy of following your orders and respecting your decisions if you first give me the courtesy of listening to my opinion and realizing that maybe, just maybe, I have good reason to question you based on experience and not just for the hell of it! So for you  experienced practitioners....carry on. And for the young ones coming up with a teaspoon of experience under your belt.....listen up, you may have more alphabet soup behind your name than I do, but I bet I have seen and done more than some of you ever will. Lose the attitudes....you may need us old bedside gals in a crisis someday and it's much easier to ask someone for help when you have their respect because you've earned it. I'm not trying to offend you, and I don't envy you or discredit your choices....I just don't readily trust you....not yet.

That being said, I think I will move on down this path less traveled, content to watch over my little charges like a hawk. It may not be the position that gets the glory, but it sure does have its rewards....and they are priceless! BSN.....bedside nurse......has a nice ring to it after all!