Ringing in the New Year Quietly and Locally....Just the Way I Like!

I have the advantage of ringing in each New Year by celebrating another year of marriage with the love of my life. This year we opted for a quiet dinner at a local restaurant. We were able to walk to dinner--even better--and although the New Year was ushered in by the first snow of the season, we still walked the short distance. I love our neighborhood. It has that old neighborhood feel of my childhood where everybody knows each other, at least by sight, and we support the local businesses.

That's us....well, from Halloween a couple of years ago, but we haven't changed that much! We spent last night at a local restaurant in the shops above, and then returned to Home Sweet Home to sit by the fire as we ended our day. Exactly the anniversary we both wanted! Happy New Year, and may 2013 bring you and yours many blessings!

A Recap of the Last Few Months......

It's been a long time since I've been here.....almost six months! It's hard to believe I've neglected writting something for that long, being the "wordy" person that I am! I guess I should update 2012 before moving on to 2013......I last posted in July, so I'll start with August activities!

August found me on my way to College Station, Texas to move my daughter, Cait, into her apartment before starting her Master's program at Texas A&M. She is enrolled in the Bush Business School (not sure why it's called the business school since her major isn't in business, but....) The Business School is a nice area of campus and there is a large pond next to the school where George (HW) fishes and Barbara walks the dogs.

Our trip to Texas was rather a nightmare. We started out with the idea of staying overnight somewhere in Oklahoma before driving the rest of the way, but we weren't aware that all the hotels are full of people who work on the oil rigs. So.....we drove for hours (my husband was in a fabulous mood since he had worked all day before we set out on this journey!) We finally found a small hotel with one room left and we checked in at 3 a.m. deciding we would sleep until we woke up and then drive the rest of the way.

The highlight of the trip was the trailer we were pulling started falling apart little by little along the way! It was one of my dad's "inventions" that he made from scrap--we looked like Sanford and Son traveling down the highway! For those of you too young to know what that reference is, keep quiet! We did finally make it, though, and the work of moving began. Thankfully Cait, who had been there a few days before us, found a few able-bodied classmates who were willing to help with the heavy stuff....and all they asked in return was dinner and a few beers!

And you know it's home when the dog goes to sleep!

September found me working on Developmental Care modules from the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN) in preparation to take their Developmental Care Specialist test. I also finally took the plunge and applied for grad school--never too late to learn, right?!? This gave me no small measure of anxiety, but I was accepted and will begin in January.

In October Steve and I headed for Palm Springs for the NANN conference where I was presenting a poster and a podium presentation! The poster was my backup plan for when my podium presentation wasn't accepted, but instead I was accepted for both. Sigh.....Another anxiety producing event! It went well, though, and it was a great experience!

I was home for a week after Palm Springs and then headed back to Rwanda for 12 days! It was an eventful trip.....first time I've ever had an issue with one of the delegation team, so that was an unpleasant experience (and that's all I'll say about that) I also had pneumonia for most of the trip, but in typical NICU nurse fashion, I powered on.....continued to train healthcare workers and students in the Helping Babies Breathe Program!

Here are some photos from our trip:

And as 2012 draws to a close....we find out the Mayans were wrong and the world goes on! Merry Christmas from my family to yours (through the eyes of the youngest members of the Geier family):

Meltdowns, Countdowns, and "Throw-downs"

It's been a busy month....both at the paying job and at One Good Deed. We've had a high census at the paying job, and also some pretty high acuity patients (that's really sick babies in layman's terms!). I've also had a capstone student with me, so besides having to behave myself :-) I've had to put my "teaching hat" on and explain a lot of what we do. All good things, but I come home pretty tired. In fact, I don't always make it home before the tired hits! A case in point was last week when I literally "dozed off" in mid-sentence while giving change of shift report!

Come on, haven't you had times when you thought it would feel really good to just close your eyes for a second? Well, that thought apparently crossed my mind and went straight to my eyes because they closed for just a few seconds. Unfortunately, I was in mid-sentence.....It was just a few seconds, but I remember thinking "something isn't quite right here" and looked up to see the on-coming nurse looking at me with a puzzled expression. What the hell, might as well be honest--there's no graceful way to come out of that one, so I said, "Oh I am so sorry. I think I almost dozed off there for a second--or, OMG was it more?!?" She burst out laughing and said it was like five seconds, tops (thank God!) and we went on. Funny, yes. Embarrassing, ABSOLUTELY! But I at least have finally admitted to myself that something has got to give and I must take care of myself and get more sleep!

Humiliating story aside, I have been having a few meltdowns lately. Things are happening very fast right now where One Good Deed is concerned....good things, but the pace is a lot when you are also trying to juggle a full-time night shift job. I mention the night shift part because it is, I think, harder to organize a busy life while trying to get enough sleep during the day. Our bodies were not meant to sleep during the daylight hours and it's hard when other tasks keep rearing their heads and demanding attention! Which brings me to the "countdown" part of this blog (and will hopefully explain the previous whining and meltdown part!)

The countdown is on for several things....namely the NANN Conference which is coming up in October and which I have to prepare both a poster presentation (not too stressful as it is almost done) and a podium presentation (meltdown!) which is started, but I'm not satisfied with the way it's going yet. I say yet because I am certain it will get there. It will, right?!?

The other countdown has to do with our upcoming trip to Rwanda in November to continue our training in the Helping Babies Breathe Program. This generally isn't too stressful for me because it is what I love, but.....a lot has been going on in the past few weeks and things have grown exponentially in this arena. My head is spinning as I try to keep up with all of the necessary work this requires while also, you know, trying to work! I just keep reminding myself that this journey I'm on was put before me for a reason, and it is the path I have chosen because I know it is right! Anyway....I plug on. And for all of the well-meaning people in my life who are giving advice like "you should cut your hours at the paying job." I would love to be able to do that.....but I have to have an income, and besides that, I love my job! And to those who say I should slow down--again, would love to, but I didn't set this pace--I just have to keep up! However, I do try to take a little time to get away from it all every so often--especially when the meltdowns seem to come one after the other--so I don't make the lives of those around me too terribly miserable! (And, yes, I am aware that a meltdown slipped into the countdown part here!)

That Someone (God) I refer to also helps out by intervening in ways that are interesting although somewhat frustrating--like the past few days when we stole away to the lake for a little quiet time before heading back into the fray. I agree to these mini vacations because I know I can still keep in touch via internet......unless there is no internet, which is what happened this time! The stress gnawed at me for a bit, but what could I do? I decided it was beyond my control and I might as well just roll with it. Thank goodness for that because I really did need the break! But, today I am back at it and trying to catch up on what I missed the last few days. I also have to remember to schedule a nap today since I am working tonight! Anyway......

On to the "throw-down" part. I think I have mentioned before about Helaina from Eos Visions and her extensive work trying to get Fidele from the Ministry of Health in Rwanda to meet with us and work with us....Well, dear Helaina has since taken a job back in the U.S.--nice job, too, at the State Department--and Katie from Canada has taken her place at Eos. Katie was warned by us all that she had her work cut out for her where Fidele is concerned. And God bless her, she took that challenge in stride and made great headway for us! Not only did Fidele make an appointment with Katie, but he kept the appointment, AND he listened and contributed to future plans for the Helping Babies Breathe training in Rwanda, AND (drum roll, please!), he said we needed to draft an MOU (memorandum of understanding--aka contract) with the Ministry from which to work on future trainings! Bravo, Katie, Bravo! Well played, indeed! She threw down the gauntlet and Fidele picked it up and ran with it! This, my friends, is HUGE!!!! It's also things like this that keep happening for us that make all the meltdowns worth it!

So.....I apologize for the lengthy blog with no photos to break it up, but I just had to catch you up on the chaos! It is frustrating and trying at times, but it is so very worth it! There are some other things in the works as well, so keep your fingers crossed for me as I continue my muzungu journey! But for now, I've gotta take a nap!

In New York Harbor Stands a Lady......and in East Harlem serves a Sister

Last weekend we joined Steve's family in New York for the final vow ceremony of his niece, Kensie, now better known as Sister Mary Pieta of the Divine Mercy. Not being a member of the Catholic faith, I went with a large measure of curiosity and prepared to learn a lot. I was happy to be included in this most important occasion.

While I did learn a lot about the Catholic faith,  I wasn't prepared for the emotional impact this ceremony had on me. Five young women took vows to commit themselves to their faith, and essentially, to become the brides of Christ. The ceremony was presided over by Cardinal Dolan, the Archbishop of New York, who is, in his own right, kind of a big deal in Catholic circles. I am sure he would beg to disagree, as I found him to be quite down to earth and humble.

I was raised in a protestant church, a Bible church--somewhat similar to Baptist in its beliefs, and while we had our rituals, they weren't as far-reaching as those of the Catholic Church. Later in my life, I visited various churches trying to find a home, all of them either Baptist or something very close. After my divorce, my kids and I started going to an Episcopal church down the street from where we lived. Mainly because my kids had many friends at the church and it wasn't such a struggle to get them to go to church. What I found, though, was that I rather liked the ritual and the customs. Not because I felt they were necessary to my beliefs, but because they prompted me to think about the reason for my beliefs. I am sure many of my friends in the Baptist church will disagree with me, but I have come to feel over the years that religions are very similar in their origins and actually share many commonalities. So....I no longer associate myself with one particular religion, but I do have my beliefs and I do consider myself a spiritual person.

Anyway, I digress.....back to Lady Liberty and the Sister.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit to become a Spouse of Christ
and desiring to live the Gospel more intensely
in the spirit of Saint Francis and Saint Clare, I,
Sr. Mary Pieta of the Divine Mercy,
vow and promise to Almighty God, to the Blessed Virgin Mary, to our Holy Father, Saint Francis,
 to our Holy Mother, Saint Clare,
 and to you, Your Eminence,
to observe for my entire life,
the rule of Saint Francis of Assisi,
confirmed by our lord, Pope Honorius,
as interpreted in the Constitutions
of the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal,
living in obedience, without property,
in poverty and in chastity.

With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Emma Lazarus, 1883

Lady Liberty stands for freedom, the concept on which our country was founded. This past weekend I had the opportunity to lay eyes on her for the first time. It was unexpectedly emotional. I tell you this because I am making a parallel here. 

Sister Mary Pieta is another "Lady Liberty." She serves in east Harlem, New York at a convent in the "hood." She stands for Christ in her commitment to serve the poor. I am touched and moved by both of these ladies for their commitment to what is good, and right, and in Sister's case, holy. I applaud their passion and their compassion, and even today as I write this, I am moved to tears to be part of something that is bigger than myself and that touches the lives of many for the betterment of all. So God bless both of you ladies!

Choosing the Path Less Taken.....

I've been struggling some time now with thoughts of graduate school. I've researched countless Master's programs, never finding one I consider "perfect" for me. I've finally realized it's because it doesn't exist. I have no desire to take the nurse practitioner route, preferring instead to stay at the bedside doing direct patient care. That is my love, my passion, and, after all these years, I think I can say that I am fairly good at it. I like being able to sense when an infant is getting worse....or better, simply because I have been watching them closely and detect little, scarcely noticeable changes in their behavior or vital signs. So, why do I feel the pressure to advance my education? I'm fairly certain it's self-imposed. There really isn't anyone telling me I should be a practitioner, at least not to my face.

I guess I should have become a CNS (clinical nurse specialist) while those degrees still existed. Unfortunately, most of them have gone by the wayside, taken over by the practitioner role--which isn't the same at all! My frustration, I think, lies in wondering what the hell is wrong these days with wanting to be a bedside nurse?!? It seems like all of the young nurses are in such a hurry to leave the bedside and become "advanced" practitioners. I don't fault them for wanting to advance their careers, but I do fault them for trying to "hurry" the process. I can tell you one thing for sure, without some bedside experience....and I'm not talking about a mere two or three years.... you aren't going to reach your potential as an advanced practice nurse. Horrors! I said it out loud and put it on the internet for all to see! I'm sorry folks, but  a couple of years at the bedside plus a Master's and a little clinical time does not an expert make! It takes time, and unless you've worked in a unit that has one crisis after another (that you're directly involved in), you aren't going to get the kind of experience that carries you through making those tough decisions that will be yours once you get your advanced degree.

Don't get me wrong....I have a great deal of respect for my practitioner friends and colleagues. I also know that some of them could have benefited from a few more years at the bedside. This isn't about "earning your stripes," but rather about taking the time to finesse your assessment skills and spending some moments in the trenches gaining knowledge that only hands on experience can bring. A book can tell you about a sick baby, but spending hours at the bedside watching each subtle sign of illness that baby exhibits before all hell breaks loose is not something you'll master from reading a chapter!

So forgive me, my friends, if when you give me an order, I question it. I'm not trying to be difficult, and I'm not trying to challenge your position. It isn't a pissing match, it's based on an opinion, an observation that comes from years of doing what I do. I didn't get an advanced degree in it, but I certainly did get an education....at the bedside....where the changes occur and where the patients don't always read the textbooks and follow the algorithms. I will give you the courtesy of following your orders and respecting your decisions if you first give me the courtesy of listening to my opinion and realizing that maybe, just maybe, I have good reason to question you based on experience and not just for the hell of it! So for you  experienced practitioners....carry on. And for the young ones coming up with a teaspoon of experience under your belt.....listen up, you may have more alphabet soup behind your name than I do, but I bet I have seen and done more than some of you ever will. Lose the attitudes....you may need us old bedside gals in a crisis someday and it's much easier to ask someone for help when you have their respect because you've earned it. I'm not trying to offend you, and I don't envy you or discredit your choices....I just don't readily trust you....not yet.

That being said, I think I will move on down this path less traveled, content to watch over my little charges like a hawk. It may not be the position that gets the glory, but it sure does have its rewards....and they are priceless! BSN.....bedside nurse......has a nice ring to it after all!