Catching Up...

It's amazing how time flies when life happens. I originally took a break in order to pay off my debt from my trips to Rwanda...which I did. Along the way, though, I went back to school and got my Master's in Nursing Education, have been teaching clinical students for the University of Kansas School of Nursing for the past four semesters, taught an online RN-BSN program for a semester, moved to Branson, and am still working in the NICU at KU--although part time. My muzungu journey has taken me far: physically, mentally, spiritually, and philosophically these past two years. Things I deemed life shattering turned out to be just another thing to overcome, things I took for granted turned out to be some of the most rewarding and fulfilling things in life, and a couple of people I took for granted have since left this world leaving me with a deep, massive space that no other can fill.

There's really just no way to catch up on all that has happened since I last posted here except to say that I've found life to be incredibly harsh, amazing, fulfilling, depleting, and satisfying all in a matter of months. My Master's classes reminded me of the passion I have for my profession and gave me a new hero in the form of none other than Florence Nightingale--an AMAZING woman for her time! I also realized the importance of lifelong learning, professionalism, accountability, mentoring, and bringing up the next generation. Teaching clinical students reignited something in me that I hope never burns out. It has been amazing to re-enter the world of adult nursing and realize that, yes Miss Benson, I really was paying attention all those years ago at good ol' MIZZOU at the Sinclair School of Nursing! Yet I also felt that I was somehow learning all over again, right along with my students. Being an "ask forgiveness rather than permission" kind of gal, I used post conference to take my students all over the hospital to learn about other areas and opportunities for nurses (I'm sorry, Dr. Godfrey, I was intentionally breaking the rules, but I really do think those students will be better nurses for it in the long run!). We explored the neonatal unit (of course!), hematology and oncology, palliative care, the emergency department, and we even went to an autopsy so they could see that our patients are STILL our patients even after death--they get the same dignity in death as they do in life. We also learned about the Lippincott site for protocols so they could understand why we do the things we do as they worked on their quality improvement projects, and we stopped the CNO of the hospital in the hall one day just to say hi--and because I know she is always a good object lesson when we talk about professionalism and opportunity and lifelong learning! They even attended a Mock Code in the NICU with me because I couldn't leave them in the clinical setting without me and I had to go collect data for my Master's thesis. They still learned, even in that situation, that things aren't always as they appear--for instance, the doctor "running" the mock code was leaning against the wall watching--WHAT?!? they asked how that could be--he never said a word. Exactly! A well functioning team KNOWS WHAT TO DO with very few words spoken! That's why teamwork is our mantra and we preach it ALL THE TIME! My students.....I love them, I miss them, and when my life settles a bit, I will return to them. They are amazing and I think our health will be in good hands.

Can I just say, though, that 2015 got off to a really bad start? Both Steve and I lost our mothers this year. You are NEVER old enough to lose your mother. I am convinced that mothers are the glue that holds the entire world together, and given the shape of the world today I believe we need more mothers! I will miss both of our moms. Did I mention they both passed within a week of each other? I think we are both still a little shell-shocked. Steve and I were both at work the night his mother passed. I never carry my cell phone with me at work, but for some reason I had it in my pocket the night his mother died. I was finishing an assessment on a baby and it rang, scaring me to death because I wasn't supposed to have it, and also because I forgot that I did and it was in a baby's room and that bothered me because they don't need that noise! Anyway, as soon as I saw the display as I went to answer it (to make the ringing stop!) and realized it was Steve's sister, I knew in my heart what had happened. She was crying and they were on the way to the nursing home. His mom had called the nurse to help her turn over and when they got her settled, she just closed her eyes and rested her chin on her chest and was gone. We realized later that she died four years to the day AND in the same hour that Steve's dad had passed. OMG--he came to get her! They'd been apart for far too long, and he came to get his bride back by his side!

My mother had been ill off and on for the past few years. She was a chronic Type I diabetic and her body was just giving up. We had seen her through a couple of hospitalizations over the several months before her passing--mostly related to the effects diabetes has on the body long term, in her case cardiac and renal failure. We were at Steve's brother's home after his mother's funeral and had just returned to our hotel room when I heard him say, "Oh no. You need to call your dad." My mind was racing. Surely we had had enough for one day! What was I going to discover in that phone call? I wasn't sure I was ready to handle anything else, but I dialed my dad's cell phone. My mother was in the hospital in Branson awaiting an ambulance. She had acute appendicitis?!? Really? Was this some cruel joke? The attending covering the ER that night in Branson said he was not comfortable operating due to her extensive history so he had called KU and spoken with the surgeon on call and she was being transferred from Branson to KU where she would have an appendectomy as soon as she arrived and was stabilized. It was already late, and I knew we were in no shape to make the 6 hour drive home. Needless to say, we got very little sleep before heading back to Kansas City. She looked so pale and fragile in that hospital bed. She had survived the surgery, which was not a given the night before, but she was so pale and still very out of it from her ordeal. It nearly killed me when I asked her if she knew who I was and she looked at me for awhile then said, "No, not really." But when I said my name, she shook her head and said, "Of course, Sherri and Steve!" Small victory. I spoke to the nurse and was alarmed by some of her lab values, but she was resting and they were keeping her comfortable so we went home to get some sleep. The next morning, as we were on our way out the door to return to KU, my phone rang. I saw a number that was KU and froze. It was a nurse from the palliative care team. She informed me that my dad had made some decisions and she wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Overnight my mom's alarming lab values of the night before had become horrifying. Her renal doctor wanted to put her on dialysis and my dad said no. The palliative care nurse wanted to know if I agreed. I absolutely did.

I was so glad we had had these conversations with my mother in the months before and knew her wishes for the end of her life. I didn't have to make that decision because she already had...while she was still able to be clear about what she wanted. I will just say that the palliative care team at KU are the kindest, most supportive people I have ever met. They took care of us. My mom's nurse told us it would be awhile before they moved her to a new room (out of the ICU where we all would be more comfortable and have some privacy). When I asked if the palliative care rooms were all full, she looked at me and said, "No, honey, you're KU family (I work in their NICU and Steve is one of their electricians). We're cleaning one of the bigger rooms for your mom." I would say that membership has its privileges, but I know that this is just the way we roll at KU--our patients ALL get excellent care! It was with a very heavy heart that I called my daughter who is living in Annapolis and told her to get on the next flight she could. Her dad (no love lost here, but I give credit where it's due) called me back and said they were booking her on the first available flight. She made it several hours later and spent the night with me and my mom at the hospital. At around 4:30 in the morning I woke up with the feeling that something wasn't right. The nurse had been in around 2 and gave my mom something for pain. I don't know what woke me, but I knew something had changed. I walked over and saw that my mom was either breathing VERY shallowly or not at all. I laid my hand on her chest and she felt cool. I didn't feel a heart rate. I woke Cait and then went for the nurse. My mom passed quietly, with family there. My dad and my son and his girlfriend joined us and we started making all the final arrangements.

Can I just say here that the beginning of 2015 really sucked? It's half over now, and things are looking up, but that rocky start changed me in ways I will never recover--hopefully there is some ultimate good in there. It has made me ever so aware that there is no time in this life for negative feelings, held grudges, and trivial pursuits. Make the most of the days you are given for they indeed may be few--or numbered in the amount you get before you feel too bad to enjoy them. Love the ones you're with, take EVERY opportunity to laugh, stop sweating the small stuff--and most of it really is just small stuff, laugh, and LIVE! Enjoy a sunset or sunrise, walk on the beach, drink a little wine, and live a life you love!

Taking Care of Business

Some of life's lessons are hard to learn. I have spent the past five years traveling to Rwanda and teaching students and healthcare workers about the Helping Babies Breathe Program among other things. It's been great, and just when things are coming together and our work is being recognized by various people and groups in Rwanda......I realize that I have to "pay the piper" before I can responsibly return to the country I love. Translated that means I have to pay off the debt I've incurred with all of this travel before I can go again! Sometimes reality SUCKS!

For those who don't already know this, I use my own personal funds to travel to Rwanda. Donations to the 501c3, One Good Deed, are all used for our projects and to help the people we serve. I truly do mean ALL of the donations. We no longer have a business phone, most of our correspondence is done via email, and so we have no overhead costs any longer. That is important to us. We don't want to become one of those "non-profit" organizations that spend the majority of their donations on administrative costs, travel, etc., taking away from the amount available for their causes. When people volunteer to travel with us, they too are paying their own expenses. It's quite a commitment, and one that we appreciate.

Sooooo, now it's time for me to pay off my debt before I begin again. I hope this will be a task I can accomplish this year so we can make plans for another trip in early 2014....we'll see. In the meantime, I am pursuing my Master's degree in Nursing Education. I hope this will enable me to include nursing students in our work in a way that will earn them college credit. Again, we'll see.

Just because I've been temporarily sidelined from Rwanda doesn't mean we aren't busy, though! We are still working with people who are continuing what we started in Rwanda, and we've been dabbling in projects closer to home.

I posted about a baby I had taken care of during her short life. Her name was Helena and she was an amazing girl--so is her mom. Helena's mom is the best advocate I have ever seen. When Helena needed a PDA ligation (a kind of heart surgery common to premature infants), she had to be transferred to another hospital. Helena's mom, Pam, was furious! While this surgery can normally be done at our facility, it just happened that the surgeon who performs it had been deployed to Afghanistan. Pam made phone calls and pursued an alternative solution to the situation. While it was too late to prevent Helena's transfer, Pam was responsible for getting another surgeon to become "recertified" to perform this surgery at our facility. She was an inspiration to us all, as was Helena. Because of them, no baby will have to travel to another hospital for this surgery again. Pam called it "Helena's Mission."

During Helena's time with us, Pam read a book to her most days called "Katy No Pocket." This book was special to Pam because she said it reminded her of her situation. Katy is a kangaroo who doesn't have a pouch so she can't carry her baby. Pam felt like she had no "pouch" since Helena was born early. This book reminded her of "kangaroo care" which is a form of holding for mothers and fathers of premature infants. Because of Helena, we at One Good Deed are working on buying multiple copies of the book Katy No Pocket for distribution in memory of Helena to all mothers of babies born before 30 weeks gestation in the unit where she was a patient.

At the end of the book there is a picture of Katy the kangaroo with her new "pouch" and in it she is carrying all of the other animal babies she met along her journey to find a pouch. When I look at that picture, I think of Pam. Pam, in her own way, is carrying all of the babies who need this surgery because they will no longer have to go to another facility. We think she has made the lives of countless infants and their families a little better.....One Good Deed at a time!

Lessons in Life and Loss

In March I asked for prayers for "my girl" who was actually my primary patient. She was taken to a children's hospital for advanced treatment and people were praying unceasingly for this baby and her family. In my line of work you'd think I would get used to the fact that not every patient makes it, but I don't. My girl was taken from us in mid-March right before I was scheduled to leave for a Nurse in Washington Internship (NIWI) conference. My heart was broken.....for her, for her family, and just in general at the unfairness of a life lost so early. In my heart of hearts I knew she would not be long for this world. She was an "old soul." To me, people who are old souls are often here to teach us a lesson, and once their purpose is served they are gone. So it was, I think, with this little one. She taught me, among other things, that life is fragile and certainly not to be taken for granted. That we all have only a short amount of time and we should make the most of it. We should use the abilities and gifts we've been given to the best possible advantage to make a difference, if not in the world, at least in the life of another.

Everybody has a purpose and a mission. I think this little girl's purpose was to remind an entire unit of why we do what we do everyday and to remember that every patient and family are special and deserve the very best we have to offer. I think she also brought us together as a whole....reminding us that we are a team and that we laugh and have fun as a team, but also that we pull together as a team in those tough times to break out every ounce of experience and ability we have to give our patients our best....always.

So, it was with a very heavy heart that I left for Washington DC on March 16 to attend the Nurse in Washington Internship. I had been given this incredible opportunity by the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN), and had been excited about it for weeks but the loss of this child had broken my heart and nothing could repair it. I took her with me in thought, and once there, she became "my story." As we were instructed on how to approach our members of Congress with our "asks," they told us to tell a story that would be remembered. As a representative of NANN, I was asking for legislation related to prematurity and to newborn screening. I told "my story" and I think it was made more powerful and memorable because my emotion was still raw from the loss. I hope it made a difference to my senators and representative, and I hope they will think of "my girl" every time a piece of legislation crosses their desk that involves the health and welfare of our tiniest constituents.

Angst over a BUDGET exercise (in futility)

I've had a busy few weeks lately. We've been crazy busy at work with census high and getting ready for the move to our new unit. I've also been busy with school.....the class I've been working on is Health Finance and Organization and I have to make a budget for a health promotion activity. Really?!? Apparently these people do not know me. I am not exactly well-versed in budgeting! Spending, now there's a topic I have mastered! Sigh.

This class is worth one credit.....I have spent an eternity on it. Finally called the instructor and told her I was struggling with this whole budget thing. I've lived in the non-profit world for too long.....I'm a master at finding ways around spending money.....unless, of course, it's my own--then I overspend......Sigh. She laughed at me. Told me to get over it....it's an exercise to see if I understand the concept.....Hello!!!!! Was she not listening to me?!? I do get it, I really do. Fixed expenses are the ones we're forced to pay if we want life to continue as we know it.....mortgage/rent, condo association dues; variable expenses are the ones that may still come every month, but may not be the same amount: food, clothing (always high--especially if shoes are involved), utilities (also high with this endless winter we are having.....well, and my perpetual personal summer....sigh); controllable expenses (here's where I have a problem.....I can't control my spending--maybe that's not the same?) are ones you determine how much you'll spend (until it's gone, duh!); uncontrollable expenses (shoes? bags?--not sure); and unrecoverable expenses which I think, really, are all of them because once the money's gone....it's GONE! Sooooo, I finally said "screw it" and just made something up. Big surprise....I ended up in the hole. Sigh. I talked to my student mentor about it and told her I ended up in the hole. You know, you'd think I would be used to getting laughed at over a budget by now, but..... She did make a good point....I can make up the numbers, so I just need to add to the grant money for my project. Wouldn't it be great if it really worked that way?!?......"Honey, I'm sorry I bought yet another pair of shoes, but I just added a bigger amount to the checking account to cover it. What? No, I didn't add money.....I just increased the amount!"

Counting on the Power of Prayer!

In the "wee" hours of the morning today I watched as a fragile little girl was loaded into a transport isolette to begin the journey of her life. She has a tough road ahead. I also watched as her parents' hearts broke. Nurses know that we often find ourselves drawn into the lives of our patients and their families, the lines between the personal and the professional blur and we connect on a level that goes beyond the clinical. So please take a moment today to send some love, some strength, and some positive thoughts their way. I can't give her a name for you as confidentiality prohibits that, but I've always called her "my girl." So please say a prayer for my girl!

Ringing in the New Year Quietly and Locally....Just the Way I Like!

I have the advantage of ringing in each New Year by celebrating another year of marriage with the love of my life. This year we opted for a quiet dinner at a local restaurant. We were able to walk to dinner--even better--and although the New Year was ushered in by the first snow of the season, we still walked the short distance. I love our neighborhood. It has that old neighborhood feel of my childhood where everybody knows each other, at least by sight, and we support the local businesses.

That's us....well, from Halloween a couple of years ago, but we haven't changed that much! We spent last night at a local restaurant in the shops above, and then returned to Home Sweet Home to sit by the fire as we ended our day. Exactly the anniversary we both wanted! Happy New Year, and may 2013 bring you and yours many blessings!

A Recap of the Last Few Months......

It's been a long time since I've been here.....almost six months! It's hard to believe I've neglected writting something for that long, being the "wordy" person that I am! I guess I should update 2012 before moving on to 2013......I last posted in July, so I'll start with August activities!

August found me on my way to College Station, Texas to move my daughter, Cait, into her apartment before starting her Master's program at Texas A&M. She is enrolled in the Bush Business School (not sure why it's called the business school since her major isn't in business, but....) The Business School is a nice area of campus and there is a large pond next to the school where George (HW) fishes and Barbara walks the dogs.

Our trip to Texas was rather a nightmare. We started out with the idea of staying overnight somewhere in Oklahoma before driving the rest of the way, but we weren't aware that all the hotels are full of people who work on the oil rigs. So.....we drove for hours (my husband was in a fabulous mood since he had worked all day before we set out on this journey!) We finally found a small hotel with one room left and we checked in at 3 a.m. deciding we would sleep until we woke up and then drive the rest of the way.

The highlight of the trip was the trailer we were pulling started falling apart little by little along the way! It was one of my dad's "inventions" that he made from scrap--we looked like Sanford and Son traveling down the highway! For those of you too young to know what that reference is, keep quiet! We did finally make it, though, and the work of moving began. Thankfully Cait, who had been there a few days before us, found a few able-bodied classmates who were willing to help with the heavy stuff....and all they asked in return was dinner and a few beers!

And you know it's home when the dog goes to sleep!

September found me working on Developmental Care modules from the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN) in preparation to take their Developmental Care Specialist test. I also finally took the plunge and applied for grad school--never too late to learn, right?!? This gave me no small measure of anxiety, but I was accepted and will begin in January.

In October Steve and I headed for Palm Springs for the NANN conference where I was presenting a poster and a podium presentation! The poster was my backup plan for when my podium presentation wasn't accepted, but instead I was accepted for both. Sigh.....Another anxiety producing event! It went well, though, and it was a great experience!

I was home for a week after Palm Springs and then headed back to Rwanda for 12 days! It was an eventful trip.....first time I've ever had an issue with one of the delegation team, so that was an unpleasant experience (and that's all I'll say about that) I also had pneumonia for most of the trip, but in typical NICU nurse fashion, I powered on.....continued to train healthcare workers and students in the Helping Babies Breathe Program!

Here are some photos from our trip:

And as 2012 draws to a close....we find out the Mayans were wrong and the world goes on! Merry Christmas from my family to yours (through the eyes of the youngest members of the Geier family):