Lessons in Life and Loss

In March I asked for prayers for "my girl" who was actually my primary patient. She was taken to a children's hospital for advanced treatment and people were praying unceasingly for this baby and her family. In my line of work you'd think I would get used to the fact that not every patient makes it, but I don't. My girl was taken from us in mid-March right before I was scheduled to leave for a Nurse in Washington Internship (NIWI) conference. My heart was broken.....for her, for her family, and just in general at the unfairness of a life lost so early. In my heart of hearts I knew she would not be long for this world. She was an "old soul." To me, people who are old souls are often here to teach us a lesson, and once their purpose is served they are gone. So it was, I think, with this little one. She taught me, among other things, that life is fragile and certainly not to be taken for granted. That we all have only a short amount of time and we should make the most of it. We should use the abilities and gifts we've been given to the best possible advantage to make a difference, if not in the world, at least in the life of another.

Everybody has a purpose and a mission. I think this little girl's purpose was to remind an entire unit of why we do what we do everyday and to remember that every patient and family are special and deserve the very best we have to offer. I think she also brought us together as a whole....reminding us that we are a team and that we laugh and have fun as a team, but also that we pull together as a team in those tough times to break out every ounce of experience and ability we have to give our patients our best....always.

So, it was with a very heavy heart that I left for Washington DC on March 16 to attend the Nurse in Washington Internship. I had been given this incredible opportunity by the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN), and had been excited about it for weeks but the loss of this child had broken my heart and nothing could repair it. I took her with me in thought, and once there, she became "my story." As we were instructed on how to approach our members of Congress with our "asks," they told us to tell a story that would be remembered. As a representative of NANN, I was asking for legislation related to prematurity and to newborn screening. I told "my story" and I think it was made more powerful and memorable because my emotion was still raw from the loss. I hope it made a difference to my senators and representative, and I hope they will think of "my girl" every time a piece of legislation crosses their desk that involves the health and welfare of our tiniest constituents.